Tag Archives: Microsoft

Sloooow news week

I know I’ve been abnormally quiet for the last few days, which can be attributed to two things: 1. I’ve been out of town, 2. ain’t nothing been interesting enough for me to write about. Sure, I could write about the lunacy of a $10,000 Virgin Mary Rold Gold Pretzel on eBay or Britney being allowed to see her kids in all her full frapp & Marlboro glory, but why bother? Slow news week, I guess. Heck, I wasn’t even all that enthusiastic about Castro’s retirement. I mean, the guy died 10 years ago. I think they just ran out of Castro look-alikes and his corpse is becoming too stinky for “Weekend at Bernie’s”-style antics.

Maybe I’m just depressed.

There just hasn’t been much to get me riled up or stoked in the news lately. There was that little blackmail effort against MSFT levelled by a blackhat hacker this week. But I’m always blathering on about the evil empire and I really need a new target. My old pals at McAfee have also finally found out that spam in non-English languages is a neato-keen way that hackers can launch targeted attacks against specific countries. Doy. Welcome to the 21st century, guys. And the sedentary mini-MSFT that is Symantec scored a spot on the Top 10 list for Most Pirated Software. Yawn! Poor John Thompson will have to get the gold faucet for his guest bathroom instead of the platinum. Pity.

Like I said, nothing interesting happening.

I’m off to Europe for a couple of weeks tomorrow. Sorry in advance for the lack of posts…


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MicroGoogle Deathmatch

It’s going to be a full on cage match to the death, folks. In one corner of the octagon is long-time ass-kicking champion, Microsoft. In the other is aggressive trash-talking challenger, Google. — The geeky tech world version of Hughes vs. Ortiz, for you fight fans.

MSFT has just stepped up their game a little bit more by announcing plans to acquire Danger, a mobile device start-up. They already have one of the most popular mobile OS platforms out in the OEM world, but now they are getting greedy and they want the rest.

This move is hardly a surprise to anyone. Google has been carefully laying the groundwork for their own complete mobile system — from device to apps — for some time now. The MSFT announcement makes it clear that the shark is in the water and going for the kill. These two been brutes are going to duke it out until one of them falls down or goes in front of a grand jury for charges of monopolistic business practices.

Either way, just keep your fat fingers out of the little guys’ pie. You two keep sucking the air out of everything fun in tech! Ah, how I long for the days of Razr Scooter-riding code dorks and huge speculation-driven IPOs…

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Yahoo takeover


Exclusive! I happened to be in the room for the initial conversations between MSFT and Yahoo. Here is a blow-by-blow account of what transpired:

Bill Gates: “Jerry! Good to Blah Blah Blah you again!”

Jerry Yang:  “Bill! Steve! Blah. blah blah ba blah.”

Steve Ballmer: “Bah-BLAh blah blah… lunch…. blah blah-ba-ba-ba-BA-blah.”

Jerry Yang: “Bah Bah Blah. BLAH BLAH… thanks…wife will kill me if I eat red meat…ba blah blah. BLAH BLAH!”

Bill Gates: “But, Jerry, Ba Blah. Road ahead. Blah blah. Mustard, not mayo. Blah Blah. And you know about that Blah that happened when you blah blah. We can Blah that whole thing and blah blah you and your family for life.”

Jerry Yang: “Ba Blah Togos not Quiznos. Ba Blah Softbank. Bah blah-blah blah chips. Blah blah blah blah. Stockholder shares. Blah Blah. No blah blah chips.”

Steve: “Blah bah-blah Softbank? Bah Blah blah blah Bah BLAH! — Jan, bring pickles!– blah blah BAH!”

Jerry: “Oh no you DIDN’T!

Bill: “What Steve is trying to blah blah…”

Jerry: “Oh SNAP! Bah blah! Y’all are BLAHING each other under the blah. I’m so shopping this blah all over the blah. Blah your blah up your blah-bah!!” (leaves room)

Bill: “Steve, I can’t believe you blah blah the chips. Typical blah bah blah. …Mother Blah-blah!”

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