Hey, Jacky!

Hey, Jacky

It’s your birthday.

I came down from the stars and I’m here to say,

“Hey, Jacky! It’s your birthday…

Today!”

– bad personalized Hallmark song from the late 70s, which was packaged on a 45 (that’s an old-fashioned audio capture, kind of like a CD, kids).

I saved up a while to buy it for my brother’s birthday, because I believed it was the coolest gift ever. …Actually, it still is the coolest! Who wants a video-playing iPod when you can have a warped record of some dorky Vaudvillian dude singing a nonsensical song? Much like the ghost in “Family Circus”, I have to say: NOT ME!

I’d like to wish a very happy (and inexpensive) birthday to my brother, Jack, who is older than I am. Much older. I mean, insanely, amazingly, shockingly, you-can’t-possibly-have-the-same-parents older.

 

He’s old.

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I’m no expert but…

…I don’t think McCain’s camp is doing such a great job on media preparation. I’m listening to the debate right now (48 minutes into it) and Obama is kicking the old guy’s butt all over the place. B.O. is totally polished and commanding — every time he speaks, he says something constructive & concrete. While MickeyC kind of rambles a bunch of reactive blurble. Bummer, man.

As a staunch fence-sitter, I’m open to voting for the right guy TEAM for the job. I really thought McC had the guts and deserved the glory, but first he chooses a lame running mate and now he makes a passive showing of the debate. …eek. It looks like Obamarama and Biden (I don’t have a good funny name for him because he’s like old dry toast) are going to be the dudes to party with come November.

(“Orgy of spending” – LOL! That phrase alone may earn my vote!)

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Captain Obvious Strikes Again

Facebook Profiles Out Narcissists LiveScience.comFri Sep 26, 9:31 AM ET
Facebook profiles can tell you more than just peoples’ birthdays and what movies they like – they can reveal the self-adoring, a new study suggests.

Researchers at the University of Georgia gave personality questionnaires to nearly 130 Facebook users and analyzed the content of their online profiles. They also had untrained observers look at the profiles and rate how narcissistic, or excessively egotistical, the owners of the profiles were.

The results of the study are detailed in the October issue of the journal Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin.

The researchers found that the number of friends and wall posts (messages left by the owner of the profile or friends) that a person had on their profile correlated with how narcissistic they were. Study leader Laura Buffardi, a Ph.D. student in psychology, said this is similar to how narcissists behave in the real world, forming numerous but shallow relationships with others.

Narcissistic Facebook users were also more likely to have glamorous, self-promoting pictures for their main profile photo, while others tended to use snapshots, the study found. The untrained observers also noted the differences in photos and amount of social interaction.

“We found that people who are narcissistic use Facebook in a self-promoting way that can be identified by others,” Buffardi said.

Narcissism hampers a person’s ability to form healthy, long-term relationships, said study co-author W. Keith Campbell.

“Narcissists might initially be seen as charming, but they end up using people for their own advantage,” Campbell said. “They hurt the people around them and they hurt themselves in the long run.”

In the past, research has found that personal Web pages are more popular among narcissists, but this doesn’t mean that all Facebook users are narcissists.

“Nearly all of our students use Facebook, and it seems to be a normal part of people’s social interactions,” Campbell said. “It just turns out that narcissists are using Facebook the same way they use their other relationships – for self-promotion with an emphasis on quantity over quality.”

 

A study was commissioned to determine this important news? It doesn’t take more than a cursory glance at the profiles on Facebook and MySpace to realize that they’re just a vehicle to explore your inner Attention Whore.

Here’s the part of the study that they didn’t seem to figure out: that all narcissists are actually so self-absorbed because they privately hate themselves. So they post amazing, slutty pictures of themselves to make others believe they’re cool. Hello? Tila Tequila, anyone?? You can’t convince me that’s a healthy person.

To a lesser extent, my state college psychology studies lead me to extend a further hypothesis that maybe, just maybe, everyone (non-nacissists included) post good things about themselves because you’d have to be a dumbass to post negative things about yourself. “I’m Bob, 45, overweight with a hairy stomach, chronic dandruff, mommy issues, $30,000 of debt, and a shocking inability to keep a job for longer than three months. Wanna date?”

If people posted the truth about themselves, would the University of Georgia get a fat government grant to study Facebook members’ low self-esteem?

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DiTry 2.0

Welcome to the New and Improved DiTrying!  Well, it’s not really new. And “improved” is really sort of a qualitative, arbitrative description. “Different than 10 minutes ago” is probably a better way to explain the site’s changes, which were made in part because I craved better “blogside appeal” (I’ve lately been addicted to real estate shows on HDTV). Oh, and because I was kinda bored this afternoon.

DiTrying is your web source for not-so-timely news, questionable logic, and twisted commentary. Given her busy schedule as a lazy semi-middle-aged woman who spends her evenings inhaling Snyder’s hard pretzels, it is not always possible for Di to post every day despite the many, many, many requests from fans and stalkers who crave daily content. To you, gentle reader, I say: “Suck it.”

 

Smoochie smoochie!

— Di

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Don’t mess with Texas.

Intruders shot after Texas couple wrests shotgun

Thu Sep 4, 6:03 PM ET

When two gunmen smashed through the glass front door of her suburban Fort Worth home, Kellie Hoehn didn’t think twice.

The 34-year-old mother of two grabbed a shotgun that had been pointed at her face early Wednesday, starting a struggle that ended with one intruder killed with his own weapon and another in the hospital.

“I wasn’t going to let them get to my babies,” she said, recalling the moment when she pushed up the muzzle of the shotgun, pointing it away from her children’s rooms.

Although the intruders told her to keep quiet, she screamed for her husband. She told her 12-year-old son, who was awakened by the sound of the shattering glass front door, to get his 5-year-old sister and hide.

“It was like a horror movie,” her husband, 32-year-old Keith Hoehn, told the Fort Worth Star-Telegram. “I thought I was a dead man. We’re fighting for our lives.”

With Kellie Hoehn clinging to the weapon’s muzzle, her husband tackled the man who held the shotgun. She knocked the intruder in the head with a jar candle, giving her husband a chance to wrest the shotgun.

By then the tussle had spilled out onto the front lawn. Keith Hoehn shot one of the men who had a pistol, police said. Wounded, that man ran away.

Then the intruder who initially had the shotgun charged Keith Hoehn.

Kellie Hoehn told The Dallas Morning News that she screamed at her husband, “Shoot him, shoot him, shoot him.”

Her husband fired the shotgun and the man fell to the ground. Then the shot man lunged a second time.

“Well, I shot him again, and I guess that was it,” Keith Hoehn said.

Dakota Scott Benoit, 20, of Richland Hills, was pronounced dead at a hospital. John Garland Pierson, 25, of Haltom City, was in critical condition and in police custody at the hospital.

“I am not happy that someone is dead,” Kellie Hoehn said. “But I am glad that my family is alive.”

Police said Pierson was shot in the left arm and the bullet pierced his diaphragm and other organs but his condition was improving. He will face charges of burglary of habitation with intent to commit another felony, police said.

This is kinda old news that I left in my “drafts” folder for over a week. I had intended to hit the publish button but got distracted by something an important: a Facebook prompt informing that it was my turn in virtual Scrabble. Clearly, a priority.

Anyway, I just love this family. They are my heroes. How many times have you fantasized about stopping a crime? I do all the time, but I’m pretty much a proven nutcase.

I think to myself about what things are lethal in my bathroom, how to defend myself with a bent coathanger and oregano, the pros and cons of hiding in a closet,… I even have entire scenarios pre-written in my head, which will be helpful for when I need to describe the situation to Tyra: “If the bastards get in here while I’m cooking dinner, I’m going to pretend I’m scared to make them feel cocky and relaxed, then when they think everything is cool I’ll karate chop him in the throat, break his wrist back and sweep his leg “karate Kid” style. Then, when the gun pops up into the air, I’ll grab it behind my back, shoot his accomplice in the gut, while elbowing the first guy in the face (since he’ll still technically be in the air on his way to the floor after the leg sweep), step my patent leather stiletto boot onto his neck (since that’s what I wear while cooking), hold the gun to his forehead, and say something quippy, like “Looks like lead salad is on the menu for you tonight.”

Maybe I watch too many movies.

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Welcome HOme!

(source)

I came home from work last night, arms heavy with supermarket bags, ears heavy with Mom chatting on the Bluetooth, and saw a flyer on my door. The flyer said:

Dear resident,

As you might be aware, San Jose police investigators have made an arrest connected to prostitution that allegedly occurred at our apartment community. …

Wait. What?

I put down the bags and re-read the first sentence. Prostitution. Here?

My apartment complex is a lovely, sprawling village community, populated mostly by young families. Many are engineers from India, China, Taiwan, and Japan who work in the tech industry. It’s not exactly the sort of place you’d expect to see prostitution. Caffeine addiction, yes. Prostitution, no.

So what’s the dillio? While I’m not 100% sure this news item is related to the flyer, I’m going to say it’s probably a pretty good guess. Check this craziness out:

Calif. Principal Accused Of Running Brothel

 

POSTED: 2:28 pm PDT August 18, 2008
A four-month long investigation led to the arrest of a San Francisco high school assistant principal and a second person on charges that they operated a brothel in the South Bay, police said Monday.

 

On Aug. 8, the San Jose Police Vice Unit concluded its investigation of two alleged brothels in San Jose, police said. Search warrants were issued at the suspected brothel in San Jose along with the suspect’s residences in Milpitas and San Francisco, police said.

 

Police said they seized evidence of a pimping, pandering and prostitution ring from all three locations, including a high rent San Jose apartment complex, and two main suspects were taken into custody for felony pimping and pandering.

 

Gerald Courtney, 57, who is the assistant principal at Galileo High School in San Francisco, was arrested along with Hsiu Hwa Chou, 41, police said. Two other suspects were taken into custody on charges of misdemeanor prostitution violations, police said.

 

Police said Chou obtained the apartment leases and created Internet postings advertising the brothel.

 

No minors, students or other school officials from the San Francisco Unified School District were involved in the alleged prostitution ring, police said.
 
Pimpcipal! I’m all for making a little extra cash, but couldn’t he just wait tables at TGIFridays’ or something?
 
Mr. DT told me that he saw a Hummer parked in front of one of the newer buildings in our complex with (I’m quoting here) “a bunch of slutty chicks getting out”. Nice.
 
I don’t know if these were pros or just random “slutty chicks”, but it is a big fat reminder that we need to get the hell out of this state. Twelve years of California is more than enough punishment for anyone.  This site will show you the lovely homes available for your heard-earned buck in NoCal. The 2 bdr shack is $1.1m but you have to provide your own hookers. Hopefully, by this time next year we’ll be lazing in rocking chairs on a wrap-around porch overlooking our five acres of land in a big-ass New England house. I can’t wait. California is dead to me.
 
I officially quit this bitch!

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That’s right. Hands off my man!

Scarlett Johannsson in no rush to wed Ryan Reynolds

August 12, 2008 07:44 AM / BANG Showbiz

The ‘Vicky Cristina Barcelona’ actress, who announced her engagement to the Canadian star in May, insists she is happy being “young and engaged” for now.

She told US TV talk show host Jay Leno: “We’re just enjoying our time. We are just recently – very recently – engaged. So we are just taking it easy. And there is no big plan yet.

“I mean, I’m 23. There is no reason to rush into it. Everything feels very natural and relaxed.”

Last week, Scarlett revealed she was considering paying homage to Ryan’s home country by wearing a beaver crown when they tie the knot.

When she was asked if she would consider wearing the unique headgear, Scarlett replied: “OK, that’s creepy – an animal on my head. If it’s alive, maybe. Um, I guess so. I don’t know! I’ll take it!”

Scarlett and Ryan have been dating for more than a year.

What in the blazing hell is “Vicky Cristina Barcelona”? Is that a “Dora the Explorer” character?

Ah, who cares? The important part is that the big hoo-hoo girl is trying to wage a pre-emptive strike before Ry lowers the boom on her and kicks her pasty arse to the curb. He clearly cannot compromise and settle for a chick who probably does her best acting in Woody Allen’s handy-dreams. No, Ry can’t help what he feels for me and probably told her so, which is why she’s blathering this nonsense to The Chin.

Ok, Ryan, I’ll let you be my back-up boyfriend again. Just don’t go wearing things like this ever again if you want to stay in my good graces. You’ve been warned.

 

“Beaver crown”. That’s just way too easy of a joke….

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