Surprise!

New York man accused of hiding in woman’s couch

Fri Jun 20, 7:00 PM ET

Police say a New York man cut a hole in a woman’s couch and hid in the carved-out space until she came home. Newburgh police said the woman sat on the couch Wednesday evening and felt a bump in the cushions move.

She jumped up and David Joe Limones emerged from his hiding place, knocking a cell phone out of her hand.

The woman was on the phone with a friend when she entered her apartment because she had filed an earlier complaint against Limones and was worried he might be there. Police said she had asked the friend to stay on the line and call police if something went wrong.

When officers arrived, they found Limones and the 22-year-old woman arguing on the apartment’s balcony.

Limones, 27, faces burglary and other charges. He is being held on $20,000 bail.

County officials, including those at the public defenders office and the sheriff’s department, were unable to provide the name of Limones’ lawyer. (Source)

Holy Jennifer Convertibles, Batman! That is some crizazy-ass stuff right there! It reminds me of that old “why don’t you check on the children?” urban legend we used to scare the bejeebus out of little kids with back in the day; the killer is inside the house with you just lying in wait. If that happened in a bad horror movie, I would likely be the one nutjob in the theater to yell, “Run, girrl! He in the sofa!”

This whole hiding in plain site thing seems to be a bit of a trend these days. Remember the creepy middle-aged Japanese lady living inside the guy’s closet? (Truth be told, that closet cubby was probably bigger than most Tokyo studio apartments.) She was in there for months just scratching around and being generally creepy before the home-owner discovered her.

It’s even happened to a family in Snyder County, PA who found Christina May Nipple hiding in their closet. How many people would be shocked to come home and finding a hidden Nipple? I know if I had a hidden Nipple in my closet, I would freak the hell out. I mean, who’s going to care for that Nipple? And what would the neighbors say if they knew you had a Nipple just hanging around the house causing mischief? I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, secret Nipples always cause big problems.

I once hid in my grandma’s hall closet because I was sneaking in at 5AM when I was supposed to be home at 11pm. I didn’t expect her to be awake, so I hid in the closet and waited for my chance to sneak upstairs. Word of advice to you kids out there: never jump out of a closet with an unsuspecting 80-year-old woman sitting close by. Those nitro pills for heart attacks ain’t cheap.

However, if you’re so inclined to hide in your furniture or closet and surprise your friends, grandparents, and/or victims, there’s a company that specializes in building furniture with hidden compartments. False Bottoms Productions makes customized wood furnishings that include “a ‘just the right size’ hiding place where it will best serve your needs.” Whatever that means. They don’t look big enough to accomodate an adult. I think they’re made more for people like Adam Sandler’s character in “The Hot Chick”: it’s where you put your weed. If you have the cash, maybe the company can whip you up a customized Japanese condo for your living room. You know, for those times when Grandma is planning to swing by for a visit.

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1 Comment

Filed under news, Ramblings

One response to “Surprise!

  1. Evan

    Nothing says ‘ I Love you ‘ like a restraining order! Go Go Gadget Stalker!

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