Dear sweaty-looking lady in the way-too-tight muscle shirt & Birkenstocks at Safeway,
I realize you demand the very highest quality in all of the foods you serve your family. I can tell by the cool ranch Doritos, two bottles of Coke, and bag of Tater Tots in your cart that you are a bit of a health nut. However, I must call your methodology into question when it comes to the one and only fresh vegetable you have apparently chosen to purchase.
Stop Peeling All The Effing Corn!!!
Seriously. Why do people feel it’s a-ok to rip back the husks on an entire bin of corn? I like to grill my corn, and grilling it with the husks flapping around results in burnt-ass corn. What makes these people think they’re entitled to take the husk virginity of every stalk in the bin just so they can find four “perfect” pieces? Not only that, but it’s just plain rude to the staff of the store who has to clean up that stringy mess.
I call bullshit on such shenanigans. And, since I did not sleep at all last night due to a conference call from 11-1:30am followed by comforting a sick dog literally all night, I am extra annoyed and unable to express it with any semblance of grace.
So friggin deal with it, you corn-peeling bastards.
P.S. How hot is that cornhead guy? I’d love to butter him up!