I’m worried about the dolphins.
On Tuesday, two performing dolphins at collided mid-air during a routine at SeaWorld Orlando, killing one. 30-year-old Sharky paid the ultimate price. His head-butting, spotlight-stealing companion ate Sharky’s fish dinner because, he said via dolphin interpreter Arthur Curry, “Dude is dead. No sense in letting it go to waste.”
Meanwhile, another dolphin (name unknown) was spotted in Philadelphia’s Delaware River this week. Human officials believe he was following a school of herring. For anyone who has ever fished in or smelled the Delaware, you know these officials are full of crap because no self-respecting dolphin would voluntarily attempt to choke down any of the toxic three-eyed fish in that sludge.
I see a pattern forming here. Dolphin are pretty smart creatures and I think they are either depressed over the idiotic way humans treat them and committing suicide, or they are preparing to leave the Earth en masse. Or both.
If you suddently find a fishbowl in your home that wasn’t there before, the end of the world is nigh and the dolphin have beat feet, er, flippers. The bowl is their way of saying thanks and good luck with that whole destruction of your planet thing.
“This bowl was brought to you by the Campaign to Save the Humans. We bid you farewell.”
…and yes, I know there are two maybe three geeky people out there who would understand this post-Corona goofiness and find it funny. The rest of you can go back to your Cheetos and dramatic gopher videos now.